Days at the wake.

 

Tell me, how many days is a wake supposed to be for?

Why am I still here after a fortnight?

But fore' we talk about the wake, we should dissect on how did it end? Am I right?

Funny that she asked me how did it end when Taylor literally wrote a song entitled How Did It End explaining the slow death of a relationship.

Truthfully, I don't know.

Is it because of her? Is it because of the timing? Is it because of the distance? Is it because of your cowardice and your majestic ego? Is it because of me? 

The truth is I don't know and I am still searching for the reason.

But I do remember.

13th of July 2024.

The day when I found out you had someone else. It was too painful to be true at that moment. I was speechless. Quiet throughout the day. I kind of feel bad for my girls that I ruined the day by being so depressed. Though they understand me.

Spend a few days after that in denial. Because it just doesn't make sense. You don't get to treat someone like she's your life partner but at the same time, you are having an official relationship with someone else. Still, I cried so hard on D-day and in the days afterwards.

Screaming, crying about how it was unfair and ridiculous the whole situation was. 

"Is it amusing to play with someone's feelings?" 

And how the same storyline occurs but with different characters this time. They said the same thing too.

You know why it hurts so bad? Because I really thought you were the one. Because I really thought I found the one. But you are not. And I was wrong. 

And I was just wasting my time and feelings the whole time. 

The day at the wake.

It was an utter silence.  The mourners were the same people who attended the housewarming party.

"It was an inevitable but foreseeable event,"

As a chief mourner and also as the deceased, I froze there, fading into the greige of the stormy sky.

I was no longer disappointed or mad anymore but I just had enough. 

It was the final bullet that struck us both.

I don't think you realized that the funeral was ongoing, not until your special day, when you were hoping me to come around and reassure you but instead I disappeared into the world of illusion which I created myself. 

Then, on the same day, which I found out that the talk of the town was not true.

But, for some reason, it was based on something. Right?

Then I left you wondering. Why did I pull the trigger and why was the gun pointed at you? All these questions must have been taunting you. 

However, it never occurs to you to go to the wake and pay final respect to the dead.

It just shows, how you never cared at the first place.

And it just shows, how it was never real at the first place.

And what was being buried at the funeral was my haggard body.