Reborn.

I don't know how many times I have declared myself dead, reborn, rebirth, and arise from dead.

But now I really meant it. I think I have it all figured out. At least for now, because you know I am constantly changing. Yup, just like the weather.

When you left this world, I did not die yet. But I was dying. Hanging around. But then, I repressed myself. I repressed my feelings.

I don't even allow myself to mourn. I don't even grieve over your death. But now, I think I am going to mourn forever. Mourning for you, and my dead soul.

It was up until 2019. I let everything slide away. Including feelings.

Then, something happened. Something that killed the real me. The real me that came out from my mother's womb and live up until 16 years old. I knew it I am not gonna make it past 16 years old. My prediction was right. 

I thought it was just my alter ego to act as my self-defense. But it wasn't. It was me. A reborn version of me. I never see everything the same now. But ... my past has become my nightmare.

The familiarity of it, the dead soul of mine, it gets scary.

It became poison and nightmare.

If you have known me for the past 3 years or longer, you should know that she is gone. No longer with us.

You should really know the new me. Just me.

I can be kind but kind is not my personality anymore. My soul can get darker than the night sky. I can be eviler than the witch in the woods. I can be more dangerous than any weapon. I am fearless enough as I only fear God. I am crazier than the sick Harley Quinn.

I can also be your nightmare.

I am curious though. All my bad memories are gone, but why can't I become happy? 

Why do good memories left but bad memories stay?

As someone that I love once said, " I have become so forgetful that I can get admitted to the hospital".

Feels like my time is running out.